We are having a little code problem so the is not showing next to the Matt Files when he has sent a new mail, which he has. So I am telling you here, there is a new installment in the Matt Files and it is very cool (especially the rationalization for shoving the computer stuff in the corner of the room, pure Matt!) So take the link and discover for yourself how my dream was sort of true…
Now I realize we go over this a lot but I have yet to come to an adequate solution. You all know that HP is in the throws of merging with Compaq. You also know that I have been acting as a European wide project manager the last few months. So soon this job will come to an add (thank goodness really) and I’ll go back to being regular old Heather, IT process owner. Well all sorts of things are changing with the company and I am very frustrated right now. I can’t get a straight answer, there are a million different people to talk to, no one can make a decision, people don’t respond to your emails. I’m discouraged. It is effecting me in a funny way. I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to try anymore. I can’t be bothered with dealing with it anymore. At the same time I feel a sense of responsibility to support my process and those people that have come to trust and rely on me. But I have no power, no where to turn. My entire life seems listless. Shoes don’t even excite me anymore. How do I get myself back? Last time I was really frustrated at the office, it manifest itself differently. Of course, I don’t know that the process of dealing with it was any more healthy that time as it is this time. Last time I got angry and went to the gym a lot. I guess the good part was I got into shape and looked fab, but I am not really angry this time and the gym has lost its appeal. Getting angry didn’t really help anyway. If I didn’t have my BOM payments, I would probably drop out. Go work at a coffee shop while I got my act together to go back to school (which I have decided to put off until Fall 04 because I don’t want to rush my applications, which are due Jan 15th, and turn something in that is not reflective of the real me). But it would be foolish of me to do that before my contract is up here, from a financial standpoint. How does someone get their spirit back? Find something to be spiritual about, I suppose. But how does one find that? I don’t really get the sense that this is something one can use project management methodologies to achieve. It isn’t so structured. It’s part luck, part exposure. I’m a little restricted here. Sure wish I had a passion right now. One that I could earn a living with, at least.
We went to a friend’s design presentation last night. She, Caro, is the girl who makes our sandwiches at Subway in Esslingen. She is a graphic arts student and was doing the background for a fashion show. The video support was great. The fashion was so-so. Ratna came with us and she and I think we could do better. Boring colours. The video support was really great though. The use of colours matched and complimented the clothing really well. The use of texture and topic was brilliant too. It went from organic to inorganic beautifully. Though they didn’t get to choose the music, the video meshed with it brilliantly too. Things flashed by both in rhythm and spirit of the music, and to some extent, clothing. I would have loved to be in a hot steamy room, laying back in a chair and just taken in the video and music, minus the fashion. I am guessing that it would have been a lot like people feel at underground clubs (aka Raves) when they are floating on X (which I wouldn’t know because I have never done an illegal narcotic in my life, seriously).
This week’s outfit is Patrick’s fault. His workgroup went to a casino in Baden on Friday night and I was left to my own shopping. I was doing great until I started for home and dropped by Abseits. Thus the shirt. It is terribly sexy though. Very comfy too. I will admit though, I want to lose weight. Too thick on bottom. I lost 4 lbs from the food poisoning but was SO hungry after that I scarfed and gained it all back. At this point I am afraid of the scale. At the same time, I don’t want to spend so much time at the gym. It’s dull. Honestly, I think I just want to move somewhere I speak the language or have a hope of learning it in a reasonable amount of time. Ho hum. Cheers.