good girl

The new gym opened and I joined it first thing. They open at 7 am and I was there this Thursday (we were in London on Tuesday which is why I wasn’t there Tuesday) lifting weights. My plan is to lift Tuesday and Thursday from 7-8:15, shower, minimal make-up and German lesson at 8:45. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I do cardio for an hour at lunch. That takes a bit longer because I am dripping wet by the end so I have to really shower (lots of soap). I am sore as hell still from Thursday. I failed to consider that if my triceps and chest muscles were sore Friday when I started running, they would just get worse from swinging my arms as I ran. Patrick isn’t allowed to touch my upper body right now. Just foot rubs.

Like the really cool necklace I bought in London. It is black crystal and looks like something a Princess would wear, I think. Which is redundant I suppose being that I am a Princess. Anyhow, the outfit was very well received. I call it my Super Model outfit because only on the runway are you likely to find a huge elaborate necklace and simple black silk shift. Sergio, the lust of my life at Punto Fisso across the street, said I looked beautiful. So did Patrick, and of course I went home with him and not Sergio.

Oh, one more thing about London. OK, I knew the British dressed badly but I didn’t know how bad until now. While we were sitting, digesting our yummy curries, a man and his wife and child walked by our table. He was wearing, I kid you not, a green and yellow plaid coat/blazer, and a black and white checkered button down shirt. Oh my God it was so frightening.

I’ve been reading Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment” this week. I am not done but so far I don’t get the big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I like the book. I like it a lot in fact. But it doesn’t seem so earth shattering. The conversations of ethics and morals seem no different than those I have with various Poli Sci and politically conscience friends. I did really enjoy the concept of ghosts that was put forth by Svidrigailov, who Raskolnikov’s sister worked for before he fell in love with her but his wife found out, blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, he talks about seeing his dead wife’s ghost, mere minutes after Raskolnikov has seen the ghost of the woman he killed though Svidrigailov didn’t know that. He explains that he believes the sick see ghosts better than the healthy because the sick are closer to ‘that world’. The healthy are firmly rooted in the material conscience world of healthy people. The sick are sort of in-between. They are partially in the material world but partially in the ‘neither world’. I thought it was a brilliant explanation. When you are sick you move towards the ghost world because you are closer to being dead which roots you in the ghost world. Anyhow, if any of you remember the book and can perhaps explain to me what I am missing in terms of greatness, I would appreciate it.

Patrick and I had another fight while we were in London. We fight regularly, though I don’t think it should worry you all. If things were really bad, you’d know. I’d write about it. Anyhow, the fight was about whether I should have to second guess him or not. One would simply say no, but then when he forgets something, I am often effected. This topic came up again today actually. We have a pile of dry cleaning waiting but as I am super close to paying off my credit line, I don’t have much cash flow right now because it is all going to that line (including my company performance bonus that we all got at HP last week, see I am a good girl there too, I really wanted to buy a couch with the money instead) the dry cleaning is going to have to wait a week. Last night I was trying to figure out where to put it until next week. I asked Patrick where he thought I should put it and he said he would take it in today. So I put it on the couch, which is the dry cleaning staging area, normally. Well the dry cleaner closes at 2 on Saturdays and Patrick missed it. In my opinion this is because he doesn’t make task/time plans which, again in my opinion, are especially important on Saturdays (and you all know why). He said he thought about the task a number of times today but he never mentioned it to me. He also didn’t put it in a plan for what he had to do today. He just thought about it. When I got home from my hair appointment, I noticed the pile sitting there and said ‘You forgot the dry cleaning (he got up to take it) and they are closed now (he sat down)’. So what am I suppose to do in cases like this, which are too many too mention? Am I suppose to remind him and appear to be nagging or never mention it and let him fall on his face? What about when it effects me? Like it would have in London (trust me on this one)? We talked about it again today (mostly we just argued in London) and he said to do whatever ‘feels right’. But see, I don’t think that works. Nothing feels right. Reminding him doesn’t because it burdens me and it makes me feel like a nag but not saying anything causes me to be inconvenienced more often than I deserve. He saw my point. I recommended he take 10 minutes every morning and plan out the tasks and general times for the day. Sure, I’m anal about these things sometimes, but I have good time management skills and he doesn’t (ask him, he’ll say the same thing). Therefore planning is that much more important to his efficiency and sanity. He feels really overwhelmed at work right now and I think part of it is his disorganization. He agrees. This doesn’t exactly help me though. Patrick shares really detailed technical stuff about his computer or articles he reads in Science News with me. I suggested he do the same with planning. Instead of saying, ‘we are going to the movie’ and leaving me wondering whether he has enough cash or if we will find ourselves unable to pay for the tickets once we get there, say ‘we are going to the movies but first we have to find an money machine’. He agreed. Still, we have been down this road before and I worry.

For any of you who feel funny about ‘butting in a personal conversation’ but not giving anything back, don’t worry about it. If I really wanted advice, I’d write you each personally. Which is not to say you can’t offer advice or reflections, but you are not obligated. Sure it is personal but I don’t mind you knowing. It’s cathartic in a certain sense to post it on the web but also it’s just me.

What else? My famine is over at the office. I told Erdal, who is covering for Ivette, that I was slack and he tossed a few things my way and then an Org Model thing came up and I still have June release testing and SPICE project stuff to do. I’m not overwhelmed yet. I will need to put in a few hours overtime next week (especially since Thursday is another one of those annoying midweek holidays!) to make sure I catch up on my testing and get everything else I have sitting around into this release. The only plans in June are to go to a Willie Nelson concert if we can get tickets. So far it has been a rather frustrating experience. Cheers.

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