Daily Archives: May 11, 2002

hm.

Life is so strange. I have been on this emotional roller coaster this week and I can’t tell why. Theoretically it could be PMS accept I take my pills constantly and only break for a period once every 3 months (doc’s cool with it, I asked). Things are slow at work and that always bums me out. I hate to have nothing going on. Especially because it seems to be feast or famine. I’ve caught up on my note transcribing and cleaned up my files and hard drive. I’m so organized it is frightening. Finished my REL testing and put together a presentation to management for Monday. That’ll be interesting. I am going to demand a great deal from them in terms of supporting a project. See we have this new data storage tool that I am on the transition team for. The team is suppose to get everyone in the department to use the tool and move all their documents there (Germans hate that about English, there, their, they’re, to, too, two…) People are not big on it and since Management, with a capital M, doesn’t use it, why should they. So I am going to tell it to them straight and give them action items and due dates to prove their support. Better now than when the changes come with ‘the merger’…

Patrick and I had a big fight this week. It is a recurring argument and I’ll take the risk at saying we finally got somewhere. We’ll see whether he follows through. My hopes have been dashed a number of times with this topic but he seemed to understand me, I hope. So the fight has 2 parts. The first is pure communication. I don’t think Patrick tries to help me. He wants to help me, but he doesn’t actually do it. When I ask for help, he thinks about it for a few minutes and then, unless I am actively engaging him, his mind wanders. He has been know to then ask me questions that I asked him recently. Or to bring up things I have already brought up and talked about. Drives me nuts. Lately he has needed some extra help. He is frustrated at the office and having to deal with some management stuff that isn’t his specialty. So I see that he is struggling and offer my help, which he accepts and appreciates, I just don’t get it in return. I am NOT Wonder Woman and I need help sometimes, and I ask for it. But then I don’t feel like I get it. Only when I mention he isn’t helping or I feel blown off, do I get a renewed effort, which I find insulting. The fight got really bad because I kept trying to explain that his promises don’t hold water for me. He has promised and failed to come through too many times for me to believe ‘those’ words again. I want to see and hear something new. He says, that I have an unfair preconceived notion and don’t give him the chance to help me before shooting down his ideas. But when he uses the exact same words that I have used mere days earlier, why should I believe he has made an effort or spent any time or even cares? He says he is thinking about these things in a different way and I don’t give him the chance to sow that, but I say my patience is nonexistent after so many years of being let down and he needs to learn to use different words and make an extra effort. When I have to bring up the subject because he never gets back to me like he says he will, why should I believe that line again? He asked if he could have two days to think about what ever problem I am having before he gets back to me. I said no. Two days?! I’m suppose to sit and suffer for two days? Would it have helped him if I had waited two days before offering assistance the night before his meeting with Grant? No. I only want to have done unto me what I do unto him. I’m still leery. Part two was the actual problem that I had asked for help on that he seemed to ignore. The lost gym motivation. I just don’t want to go anymore. I’m up to 58 Kilos now too. Sure I am not fat but I also don’t fit properly into a lot of my clothing anymore either. I want to be 54 again, but I just can’t seem to make it to the gym. We have been analyzing why and what to do about it. We have two possibilities. The new gym is suppose to open in the building across from the office on Monday. I am going to look there and then I could workout before work, at lunch or right after work without having to go out of my way. It takes an hour there and back from Fitness Company where I go now. I just don’t have that time. The other possibility is to join the Kaiser Fitness up the street, they open at 7:30 am M-F, and then buy an elliptical trainer for home. This way I can lift 3 days a week in the morning before work, bathe and dress at home and then at least walk on the trainer every night. I like the second better from a theoretical standpoint, but feel I must give the gym at the office a chance. Anyhow, that’s our dirty laundry for the week.

I bought this week’s dress in Paris in March. There is another one to come too. I love Tara Jarmon and I love the idea of buying my dresses on the Avenue des Champs-Elysées. The picture isn’t that great because I am in the hallway at work and I was really busy that day. Trust me, the dress is fabu. Yes, I need a hair cut. Cheers.